reasons

I often find that people make their own assumptions about many things and adoption is no exception. There are those who are very pro adoption and those who are against. Either way, it is important to listen to those with opinions different than our own if only to open our minds a little to the reality that we are not all the same.

I sometimes reflect on the mistaken assumptions that I made before I knew what I was passing judgement upon. We all make mistakes and our assumptions are no different than an ordinary mistake. Most mistakes are due to a lack of experience. I think an adoption opinion can be classified as an experience oriented issue.

Those who have experience with adoption will tend toward positive thoughts about it, with exceptions of course. And those who have no experience with adoption are more likely to have suspicions.

I am naturally very pro adoption. My reasons, somewhat personal, somewhat tongue in cheek. Essentially, I wanted a child and I felt that it would be a perfect match to have a child that wanted a family. The idea of adopting a child from another country is not fashionable for me as what seems to be the most popular view from the anti-adoption crowd. There is very little that is fashionable about raising a child. It comes down to the egotism of wanting to share your life with someone who you prepare to take your place on the planet after you are gone. The fact that I get to go to another country is just plain interesting. It is an experience in its own right and teaches us more about ourselves and the world that we live in when we experience it from outside our front door.

When you have more than one child purposefully, by birth or adoption, the egotism takes a backseat as the motivation changes. A second, third child or more are all about family building. And that, to me, is even more beautiful because it is about giving something to the first child, and subsequent children that you can't offer yourself: fraternity.

I had a friend tell me recently that if my hope of a second adoption is not realized then I could consider E and myself a "team" which is a fun way of looking at the dynamics of our relationship. However, I just cannot imagine my E as an only child. She has such an openness to her that will only be a huge benefit to a younger sibling. I know that my E is going to be a fantastic big sister and I cannot deny her that important opportunity.

So I am working on a plan B. A different adoption. A different plan. I would love to post all about it, but I am waiting to find out if I even have permission to go ahead. Next week, I am meeting with my social worker to update my homestudy and in the meantime, I am paperchasing for another process as all my docs are over a year old. Wish me luck! :)