Destiny

E and I play a game from time to time that reminds each of us how and why we love each other.  It's a pretty basic game that shows we both love each other unconditionally but highlights the things we love about each other.  For me, I love her because she is good natured, kind and smart.  She says similar things about me. 

Today, she threw me through a loop a little because she asked "Mommy, do you know why I love you?"  I answered because I love you back.  She said yes, but that's not why.  I answered because I take care of you.  She said yes, but that's not why.  Then she said, it's because you adopted me.  Whoa, where did that come from?!?  She continued, "so I wouldn't have to grow up in an orphanage"...

Now, we don't talk like that at home.  You know, the "you're lucky" talk.  In fact, when we hear it outside the house, I deflect it with how lucky we both are to have each other.  It just doesn't seem fair to imply any luck on E's part as she had absolutely no say in the matter.  My only response was that she was never going to grow up in an orphanage as she was always destined to be my daughter just as I was always destined to be her mother.  She and I are each other's destinies.  Luck had nothing to do with it.

I know that E knows this but I wonder if it was seeded somewhere inside of her or if someone has said something to her at school.  I didn't want to press too much because I don't want her thinking that her adoption is a big deal.  For me, adoption is no bigger a deal than giving birth.  It is just another way to create a family.  A much less painful way, but admitting a child into your heart and home just the same.

I guess I am just a little surprised by her sentiment because I don't want her to feel like she is any different than any of her friends, family members.  I want us all to feel the sense of belonging without conditions.  And here I am reminded that adoption requires ongoing reassurance.  This is what reinforces her need for a sibling.  She needs to know that she shares something with someone else intimately familiar to her, something I can only pay lip service to, someone who will "get" her in a way I wish I could but never can: a sibling.

I am going to contact the Colombian government tomorrow to put the wheels in motion.  Wish me luck!