Strategic Consequences

Early on, E had figured out that when I am busy talking to anybody, she is not my primary focus and can behave pretty much any way she wants. She would get silly and play games and make it pretty difficult for me to do something as simple as paying a cashier for groceries. She gets very curious sometimes and I would frequently say "Look with your eyes and not with your hands." The things I say...

Anyway, a friend of mine used to stop doing whatever it was she was doing when her child misbehaved and physically removed the child and herself from wherever that was. I applauded my friend for her efforts, they were extremely effective. However, with the limited time I have to run errands, I cannot just forgo groceries or whatever it may be when my daughter misbehaves, so I employ strategic consequences. E knows them as simply "consequences". The delinquent behaviour is addressed at the time and if it does not correct itself, then E knows there will be "consequences". It sounds more ominous than it is to me. But exactly as it is meant to be for E.

Recently, a strategic consequence occurred when E started playing the "touch your ear" game (E jumping up to touch my ear) while I was at the checkout. Instead of abandoning the business at hand, I continued on with the transaction and told E that she had just earned herself a consequence. When we got to the car, I switched from the Hannah Montana cd to news radio and E knew exactly what was going on. For the most part, E dictates what we listen to in the car. Strategic consequences always occur within the same day and often with some immediacy to the moment when they were mentioned.

It won't be long before E starts earning an allowance and that will likely become a source of strategic consequences once the allowance schedule is set and understood. E has asked for a credit card so that she can buy what she wants. Instead, I want her to start earning an allowance. I am planning to start her allowance in January. Initially, I wanted to start her allowance when she finished kindergarten, but she is ready now and January feels like a good time to start. I will be giving her $1 a week. In 2011, she will earn $2 a week, in 2012, she will earn $3 a week and so on. When her allowance first starts, she will be getting it in a mixture of coins so she can learn what each of the coins represent.

The emphasis will be on saving money. When school ends in June, she will hopefully have amassed $26 and will be allowed to spend half of it as an end of school gift to herself and we will open a bank account for her with the rest. Since the emphasis will be on saving money, she will be limited to spending half of her allowance once a year until her 10th birthday. 10 is a pretty monumentous age so it warrants more freedom including how and when to spend her allowance. Hopefully, she will have learned how to save, how to be generous and how to prioritize her material desires.