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For some reason, there has been an increase in the level of adoption talk in our house. Maybe it has something to do with that totally cool airport play set we picked up the other day that spawned all kinds of Peru bound reverie. Anyway, in that talk, we mentioned how maybe this toy won't be left at the orphanage upon our return as it is just a whole lot of fun. We plan to leave most toys, clothes and shoes behind so as to lighten our load for the return trip.

Little did I realize that my little E was mulling over the idea of leaving behind her toys, clothes and shoes at an orphanage and what that orphanage represents in her always thinking brain. She made the connection that orphans live in orphanages and that she has once called an orphanage home. Almost out of the blue and in a moment of silence, she asked, "Am I an orphan?".

"No, you have a mommy and I was always going to be your Mommy because I knew my daughter E was in South America and so I went to get you." I hope it helped, she didn't press for more. But I worry she may have these feelings of separateness where her story differs from her friends. We talk about her siblings very generally yet I feel that maybe she does not feel connected to them. I am going to give them each a nickname so we can refer to them by their nicknames. Maybe I'll let E pick the nicknames. This way, when we talk about an item of clothing or toy going to an actual person, it might feel more real to her than it going to an unknown child in a faraway place.

In a lot of ways, it is more work to parent an adopted child. But the intensity of that work is thought-provoking and full of sensitivity which ultimately benefits any child, adopted or otherwise. Adoptive parents are thrust into the mode of analysis and evaluation, the product of which increases the esteem of their children. All kids need this. On more than one occasion, I have called myself a hyper-parent. Not only can E freely try any activity that catches her eye, she can freely discuss anything on her mind.

I don't think it is entirely an adoption thing. When you adopt, you just tend to gravitate more toward making sure your kids are receiving positive messages about who they are and their position within the family. All parents do this. I really believe that all parents "adopt" their children to promote belonging, or at least, they should. However, when a child starts to discuss labels, inherent connections are tenuous and the emphasis is on adoption.

I am grateful for the friends I have who themselves are adoptive parents, the blogs of adoptive parents and the patience and understanding of my entire family without whom I would not be able to give E all the support and security she needs to reach her full potential.